I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
