I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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