Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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