Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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