seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
