I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
