i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
