He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
