I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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