nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
