He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
