dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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