So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
