I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
