How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
