is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
