she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Less talking, more tequila
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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