How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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