Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
