Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
