This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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