Don't you send me to vm
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
