she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
