girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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