Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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