he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
