the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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