Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
