i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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