If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
