I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
