The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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