is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She told me I should be a condom model.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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