i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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