Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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