I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
