goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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