I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
