Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
50% drunk capacity currently
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
