Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
