What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
