I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
