you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
