I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize