Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
