I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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