Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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