phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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