she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
