Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
