All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
