he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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