Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
