I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
