i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize