is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
