It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
