So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
