i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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