i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
