I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
