i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
