tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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