My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
