Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
