I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
