You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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