This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
