Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
